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lyrics

Saved at the bottom, Powhatan County, 2001


You are saved at the bottom of the ocean,
at the bottom of the ocean you are saved.
You can fill your lungs with air,
you might never make it there
but if you make it to the bottom at the bottom, you are saved.



Where in those more Prehistoric Counties,
where rocks are about the size of brains
and red mud still flows down white faces in the rain,
where, my story began.

And unfortunately, it was the most beautiful day
leaves were growing,
lawnmowers carving rectangular paths
around sad, rectangular lives.

I was there along Anderson Highway, walking,
just released on a non-guilty verdict
resolving an event that Chief described
as an attempt at my own life.

But my lawyer called it a “Misunderstanding of Location”
Given there were still three weeks left until summer vacation
and any boy could misjudge their arm
in relation to the sharp end of a knife.

And even today, if you asked what I was doing
I wouldn’t have said dying
I’d say my head was too far left, and the only way to center
would be to fall real hard into the cold, shallow water of the James


Kite and line above me and Virginia Pines
send a message down to me from the middle of the sky:
“Hold me when I’m old,
make me warm me when I am cold
and when I’m tired find a place to go inside, and sit down.”

Sometimes the way the light curves
along an old river bending
intersecting a nice long stretch of highway ending
makes you think you can see three-hundred and sixty degrees
at the same time.

It was there I saw the house of Blanche,
that fabulous girl, who never loved me
and few broken homes of the boys
who used to kick me down at the benches of P. E.

And it was probably all that nervous staring,
that, a mile and a half out from Maidens Bridge landing
caused me to spy upon an old side car bar
half buried in the briars

And It was the ugliest place I’d ever seen,
only two green windows
and a sign on one that said “we poison our beers,
...sometimes.”

Being only seventeen, anxious and hurt
and not wanting anymore trouble
Just stubborn to see if nine days in jail left me with the stubble
to get served.

I knocked twice and then just walked inside
to find a man speaking prayer with tears his eyes
wipe them, then ask me,
“Boy, what the hell are you doing here now?”



I was quite prepared to tell him my story
about being too left, and needing getting back to center
when I realized his question to me had been asked
one too many times.

I knew because I felt my face turn red
and I knew because I got a pain in my chest
and I knew because I started talking real fast and real loud

I said, “Have you ever found that perfect sentence
to describe the way your feeling
and you say it out loud for the whole class to hear it
and the teacher says:
‘Boy, go over there to that principal bench, and sit down.’

And so you sit down, but you forget all the good things you thought
because you’re so angry
and the whole day goes by
while you wonder if the stucco on the ceiling is pointing in or out.

And when you stand up, your light head knocks you down
and so you fall on your knees
and swear you’ll drown
yourself in the local, ancient river
because they’ll never understand.”


“Boy!” he said. “You’ve amused me!

...and it’s good to know I won’t be ending your life any sooner than it was already gonna.”

“You see ten years ago today
I poisoned a boy like you passing this way
who now belongs to some of the meanest pack of hounds
Central Virginia’s ever seen.

‘And he’s made it clear many times,
they’ll be coming for me on this day before the sun sinks into the pines
and right now they’re probably the distance between you and me
seven hundred times.

‘So don’t think about leaving, they’ll just track you down
they’re motorcycle clowns
and they’ll kill you just for seeing
the evil thing they’ve been dreaming up all day.

‘So why don’t we stare for a while, at these ceiling tiles
and think about the stucco
and listen to that faint sound of engines roaring in the distance

‘Now let’s pour you here, your last real live beer.
and start swimming in that liquid but before you go down
pray that you get saved
at the bottom of the ocean.”


Then I was awake,
in a small sunlight
facing the sidecar,
with the ugly sound of lawnmower engines buzzing in my ears.

And it was there I realized drinking,
and jumping of the bridge
would have to get locked up in that childhood box
I kept my toys in.

Because when you’re alive
and you’ve got an old man’s words and one beer
floating around your head
sometimes it’s better, not knowing, that you’ve been poisoned.

If you are saved at the bottom of the ocean.

credits

from I SMILE ALL DAY I SMILE ALL NIGHT, released April 12, 2009
Vocals, Acoustic Guitar, Drums, Piano: James Wallets
Bass, Banjo, Acoustic Slide, Organ: Kevin Dailey
Background Vocals: Julia Curruthers-Thorne
Trumpet: Kai Welch
Trombone: Travis Gordon
Euphonium: Laurel Lane
Gang Vocals: 1st Mennonite Hallelujah and Rejoice Choir*

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James Wallace and the Naked Light Nashville, Tennessee

They say that to see in the dark, it's best to use the corners of your eyes.

I wish I had known,
I'd have seen so much coming at me.

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